Tuesday, January 29, 2013

The ultimate moral dilemma

A true story, unfortunately

Let's set the scene, it is around 9:30 pm, at a pitch dark and deserted bench at the center of my college's campus. I am chatting with my friend as he takes a cigarette break from our monotonous, weekly work at the school newspaper (AKA my only income). On about his fifth drag, I spot something shiny and gold hanging from the back side of the bench. Then I realize exactly what I am looking at - a genuine Marc Jacobs quilted bag, just hanging there all alone in the silence of the night. In utter disbelief that any girl in the universe would have the gall to leave such a precious artifact hanging on a bench, I had to open it up and find the culprit's I.D. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on which way you look at it, there was nothing inside of the bag other than a pair of spanx and some tampons.

I attend a small liberal arts college where the tuition hovers around a little more than 50k, and the heir to the Walgreens fortune along with a handful of Italian and Middle Eastern princes make up just some of the striking student body. Needless to say, if you go to my school you are either extremely wealthy, or at least decently intelligent and here on a hefty scholarship (like me).

I kept thinking to myself, "how could anyone who appreciates this bag as much as I do, just leave it here like a piece of garbage?" My fellow fashion enthusiast friend from work concurred. We stayed on that bench for what felt like hours, just waiting for the unappreciative girl to come running and pry the purse from our now drool soaked hands. No one so much as walked by. It was the perfect opportunity, and turning out to be the perfect crime.

We brought the bag into our office's bathroom and poured it's contents of the bag onto the counter. Still nothing but tampons and spanx, except tempting us even more, the authentic Marc Jacobs care tag still in the crisp white Marc Jacobs envelope proving to us that this was no knockoff. We were then faced with the ultimate moral dilemma of whether to have me keep the bag, or turn it into the school. In my twenty one years of life, I have never been faced with such a heart wrenching decision. Choosing a college wasn't even this difficult. Obviously, keeping this $675 bag would be stealing and stealing is morally corrupt and against all that I stand for. However, it was more likely than not that whoever this bag belonged to was already on the phone to her daddy asking for his Amex card number to buy a new one. It was also glaringly apparent to us that the owner of this bag had proved to be unworthy of its possession considering, THEY LEFT IT ON A BENCH.

Without the slightest inclination as to who it belonged to, I shoved the Marc Jacobs bag in my tote and returned to work. I would never be able to afford something like this on the minimum wage salary that I earn, and at the moment I have never wanted anything so bad in my life. I texted my friends and asked for their opinions on the matter, but got no were because all of them felt just as torn as I did.

When I got back to my apartment that night, the guilt began to sink in and my stomach was in knots. I knew I was in deep when I could no longer make my usual judgmental comments about people on trashy reality T.V, because I felt I, myself had stooped to their amoral level. I was a glorified purse theif. It was not a good feeling. I could barely sleep, and upon waking up I decided I needed to try and return this gorgeous Marc Jacobs bag, because I knew it could never truly be mine. My roommate and I agreed the best course of action would be to post signs claiming that a handbag was found along with my phone number. Best case scenario, no one calls and I get to keep the bag, guilt free.

As I obessivly checked my phone by the minute, hoping and wishing not to receive any "OMG you found my bag!" texts, by 6:30 the next day, sure enough, the owner of the abandoned Marc Jacobs bag was no longer a mystery. Who knew being a good person would feel so utterly terrible? I returned the bag to a beautiful, designer garb adorned girl with perfect skin and glowing blue eyes. The feeling was bitter sweet, but at least I know my karma bank account was now well into the millions because of this one. I plan on buying several lottery tickets within the next coming week.